Finding a carpool partner is a bit like a dating service

While speaking about the dozen people with whom I've carpooled in the past three years -- the good, the great, the too loud, the too late and the long-winded -- someone in the audience said, "Finding a carpool sounds like a dating service."

He nailed it. That's why carpooling is so tricky. Our cars are personal spaces, and our commutes are potentially long.

In a two-person carpool, compatibility is a MUST, not an option. For carpools with three or more, even the most odious, loud-mouthed person can hopefully be diluted by the other people in the carpool.

Most carpools have two people for maximum simplicity and flexibility. So your match must meet three standards:

1. You must work near each other. Otherwise, you will waste a lot of time driving. You DON'T have to live near each other, just on the way to work or near a meeting place.

2. You must work the same hours -- or be willing to compromise on the days you carpool. The compromise must be made FREELY, or else it will not work out for long. One person will start resenting it.

3. You must be compatible -- especially in a two-person carpool. Then the carpool will be enjoyable. You'll be willing to do small favors for each other and will look forward to your time together. Even if that time is spent in silence. Talking machines can be very annoying.

I am not able to drive to work with people who have loud voices, talk too much, have not mastered the art of listening, or are unreliable or uncommunicative. We don't have to agree on everything. I can stand carpooling with Republicans -- as long as they listen to my perspective, too. Or maybe we avoid the topic of politics altogether.

My carpool partners and I are not dating or getting married, but we sort of are -- because we do drive together plenty. It's just that the destination is work and not a date.